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Pardon me
while I cuss a bit.
#!%^*&(>~#{$%]
Thank you. I needed that.
I'm sure everyone did too,
after reading last month's column on the correct usage of
hyphens and attempting my little pop quiz afterward.
First, a tremendous,
I'm-so-darn-impressed CONGRATULATIONS to the wonderful
readers that sent in their hyphenated paragraph. I was
surprised by the sheer number of entries I received, and
quickly stumped by how difficult this seemingly simple
paragraph was to correctly hyphenate. In my defense,
there were several places where an answer was considered
correct, regardless of whether a hyphen was used or not
(this was determined before I ever looked at the first entry
and is explained below). However, even with that in
mind, and with allowing people to send in more than one
attempt, this paragraph still seemed impossible to get
written right!
I'm going to go into a little (and I mean
little) additional explanation on the
usage of hyphens, then I'll wrap up this month's column
explaining the Pop Quiz answer.
Next month, we'll all get a rest from me
and my stupid grammar tips as Alyssa and I are going to
occasionally swap columns (I complained that it wasn't fair
she always got to talk about men and I didn't. :-)
I mean, which you would rather discuss: a hyphen or a man's
denim-clad tight ass? See what I mean? So,
she'll be here, talking about the differences in publishers
and erotic romance and I'll be over at "Our Take on Men"
talking about my obsession with sexy sideburns!!
RETURNING
TO OUR #!%^*& HYPHEN
After realizing how much
difficulty people were having getting the Pop-Quiz paragraph
correctly hyphenated, I did some additional research on my
own. Punctuation usage, as with spelling, often
changes over time and across distance. Meaning, what
might be considered correct in Great Britain, is incorrect
in America. What might have been an accepted
punctuation practice 40 years ago, or even ten, may be
considered incorrect or outdated now.
Frustrating, isn't it? John Benbow,
a smart fellow--way back in 1937--has impressed me greatly,
by proffering this sage statement:
"If you take hyphens
seriously, you will surely go mad."
I feel that I have!
Because of the inconsistencies, many
large companies, including universities and government
agencies, often issue a Style Manual. This document is
intended to explain how the entity wants all of their
written communication formatted and punctuated. Some
publishing houses have these, too. Always--if
there is a style manual available for your intended
recipient--defer to that anytime you are unsure about how to
correctly punctuate something.
The basic rules I described last time
still apply: use a hyphen to connect compound adjectives
that come before the noun--word being described--unless
one of them is an adverb ending in -ly.
While researching, I also learned that you do not
hyphenate when using a compound adjective for a color
description. It wouldn't be his coal-black hair,
instead, it would be his coal black hair. "Why? Why?
Why?" you ask. "I don't have a clue!" I answer honestly.
Bottom line? If you aren't sure,
look the word up in a dictionary. I have two
dictionaries loaded onto my computer and I check both
constantly when composing a story. This is how I
learned that pent-up and self-indulgent have hyphens,
but more so does not. It's also how someone
would learn that mouthwatering is considered one
word, but bedsheets is correct, as is bed sheets.
Confusing, discombobulating,
pain-in-the-ass subject, if you ask me.
It seems
that the more I study this topic, the more confused I
become. Yes, that beautiful quote above is something
I'm ready to have tattooed across my forehead.
Backwards, of course, so I can read it in the mirror every
time I stand in front of one and remind myself to quit
agonizing over the little stuff and get back to writing my
damn-fine stories. Yee ha! And lest anyone think
I consider myself an absolute expert on any subject, I would
like to point you in the direction of my wonderful home
page,
http://www.larissalyons.com/main.htm where I had
incorrectly hyphenated the blurb of my current story, and
disseminated it throughout the Internet, for all the world
to see!! (Yes, it will be corrected by the first of
August, but I decided to leave it up as an example to myself
that a story can still be successful, even if it isn't
perfectly written...and yes, it's driving me bonkers to
leave it that way for now!!)
>^..^<
Larissa
ORIGINAL
UNHYPHENATED PARAGRAPH
(give it a shot before reading further if you're so
inclined, or enjoy self-torture)
The thirty something bank
account executive finally decided to clean her seldom used
basement. She feared it might be mouse infested, and had
put the dreaded, onerous task off for ages. Unfortunately,
she slipped on the rotting wood steps and let loose a hair
raising, ear splitting yell on her way down. Fortunately,
her well muscled neighbor heard and ran to investigate.
Moments later, carried by his exceedingly strong arms in his
mouth watering embrace, she was returned safely to her
Shaker inspired kitchen, where she proceeded to share her
latest batch of Triple Chocolate Brownies, quickly winning
his long term undying devotion. They announced their spur
of the moment wedding only days later.
OFFICIAL
ANSWER
The
thirty-something bank*opt-*account executive
finally decided to clean her seldom-used basement.
She feared it might be mouse infested, and had put
the dreaded, onerous task off for ages. Unfortunately, she
slipped on the rotting*opt-*wood steps and let loose
a hair-raising, ear-splitting/earsplitting
yell on her way down. Fortunately, her well-muscled
neighbor heard and ran to investigate. Moments later,
carried by his exceedingly strong arms in his
mouthwatering embrace, she was returned safely to her
Shaker-inspired kitchen, where she proceeded to share
her latest batch of Triple*opt-*Chocolate Brownies,
quickly winning his long-term undying devotion. They
announced their spur-of-the-moment wedding only days
later.
The two places that seemed to trip people
up more than any other were:
-
"mouse infested" - which did not
need a hyphen because it came after what it
described, not before as it had in the example
talking about the mouse-infested basement, and
-
"mouthwatering" - which is a single
word by itself, and should not have been either left as
two separate words or hyphenated.
In addition to these, several other words
were consistently missed. To get this whole shebang
wrapped up, I'm going to summarize those now, and we'll be
done with this less-than-pleasant topic. :-)
-
"earsplitting/ear-splitting" - My Merriam
Webster's considers this one word, while my New Oxford
American considers it misspelled unless a hyphen is
used. I accepted either answer as correct.
-
"bank-account" - Here's where I seem
to disagree with the rest of the known English-speaking
universe. I could not find one place online where
this term was hyphenated. Most entries did not
hyphenate it either. For the record, I considered
this one correct either without or with a hyphen,
although I want to stress that I believe a hyphen is
appropriate because otherwise, the line reads that this
is a "bank executive." I think that anyone working
at a bank would definitely beg to differ that a bank
executive and a bank-account executive are
interchangeable.
-
"Triple Chocolate Brownies" - And
where I stump even myself by overthinking this entire
issue, because YES, according to the rules, this should
be hyphenated and read Triple-Chocolate Brownies.
But if it were in my story, and on my recipe card (which
it is!!) I would omit the dadgum hyphen. I
don't know, maybe this has to do with that dumb color
rule, but it doesn't look right to me. For the
contest, I considered it correct either way.
Even allowing for the varieties and
options explained above, no one sent in a completely correct
answer. Which is why, as detailed in late June,
instead of awarding one $5 Amber Quill gift certificate,
both
Vicky and Jenny
received $3 gift certs, as each of them sent in the
closest-to-correct Hyphen Pop Quizzes.
Thanks again to everyone! Now go
read one of my books!! :-) Larissa
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